Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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