so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
