No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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