If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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