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On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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