it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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