LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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