I'm going to jail i love you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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