if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
