Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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