last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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