i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
