So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
