well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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