I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
