How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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