i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
