How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
