he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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