I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
