did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
