if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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