So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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