never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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