you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to make a zoo with you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
