I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
