You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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