I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
