when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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