If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
