i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
