i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize