I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
