There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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