i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
