apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
