she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
