When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
