I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
