How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize