Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
