I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
