Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why do cheetos always look like penises
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
