They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
