i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
