I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
There's even glitter on my cock...
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