I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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