Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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