mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
either way he was missing a nipple.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
