when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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