I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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