so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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