There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
