im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
