So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize