Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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