By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
