stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
