im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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