After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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