You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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