I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
