stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
