In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
