it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
