I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
