Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
