NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
