if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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