i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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