Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
