k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's like heaven, but drunker
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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