Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
