this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
