we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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