the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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