I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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